You can’t beat a band whose members are all in one accord. Just because a group plays music well together doesn’t mean they ‘play well’ with one other. What do you do when your band simply doesn’t get along? Here are some simple suggestions for preventing personalities from clashing.
- Just because you’re in need of a drummer doesn’t mean you have to take the first one that comes along. When forming your band, consider talent but consider personalities too. Not everyone will jive with the dynamics of your group.
- Communication is key in any relationship. When walls go up, the band breaks down. It is possible to talk things out but differences rarely smooth over when no one is talking.
- Define your roles. If there’s a leader of the pack, let it be known. If everyone is of equal status, make it public knowledge so no one tries to step into a leadership role. Whatever the unspoken rules are, bring them out into the open so no one is left in the dark.
- Define your boundaries. All bands function differently. Some consist of couples. Some members never socialize outside of practices, recordings, and performances. There are those who don’t want to talk about who they are seeing or what they’re doing in their private life. Make sure all the members vocalize their boundaries and that no one is allowed to step over them.
- Meet regularly. Meet together as a group other than just for band practice. When dedicated business meetings are a regular occurrence, no one gets riled up because a meeting is scheduled. That way, small things can be discussed and worked through before they become big things.
- Bands with members who show mutual respect for the other members will go far. It’s a give and take position – you must give respect to get respect so make sure everyone is doing their part.
- By keeping the band focused on playing music, the members are less likely to have friction. When other things, like social, religious, or political beliefs slip into the picture, it’s unreasonable to think everyone will agree or even agree to disagree. Chances are though that all the musicians in the band have some common ground when it comes to being passionate about playing music.
- Musicians are known for having big egos. Some are egomaniacs with inferiority complexes which is a volatile combination. When members fight for center stage or vie for attention, there’s trouble in paradise. Having a periodic ego check is the best way to smooth out the rough edges.
- It happens with siblings and even the best of friends, so why wouldn’t band members be in competition with one another? It’s common but far from ideal. There’s enough competition among bands. Competition within the band is lethal. Even if it calls for drastic measure, toxic competitiveness must be resolved.
- Business is business. Friendships must be set aside in order to establish things like finances, legalities, and important decisions. Legal contracts are a must. Verbal agreements just don’t cut it – even for an up-and-coming back.
- Bad apple. If one of your band members are causing the problems, he or she has to go. That can be a hard call to make but there’s no alternative. It is better for the band to dissolve than to constantly be at war because of one single individual, even if the group cannot go on without him or her.
- A.L.T. Don’t get too hungry, angry, lonely, or tired. In other words, every member needs to take care of themselves. Especially if you’re on tour or performing a lot, it’s easy to get stressed out because you’re worn out, but everyone should be committed to doing their best to avoid getting too run down.
- Everyone can’t have their way ALL the time. When members are willing to work together, you can bend rather than break.
- Being a musician is hard work. It’s important to be able to see some light at the end of the tunnel. Looking from one goal to the next helps put milestones in perspective. Make a list of the band’s short, medium, and long term goals and keep them in view so no one loses sight.
- You must be a team player to be a productive member of a band. It just doesn’t work out any other way. When a band has unity, it’s contagious. Your music and performances will reflect the good vibes.
Wait…Before You Close the Curtain
Musicians are visionary creatives. Most have the built-in drive to exercise control over their creation which is music. When you are in a band, however, it becomes a “we” thing. It’s a challenge to change your thought process.
When working together so closely and intensely, it’s not always everyone’s best side that comes forward. Things can get ugly quick. Personal conflicts and subconscious issues can surface. It’s an excellent opportunity for emotional growth to take place, but not everyone is willing or even able to do the work.
What if the unthinkable happens? What if the band members can’t reach a resolution to the conflict? Before throwing in the towel, there’s one last potential solution just as there is when a couple is contemplating a divorce. Seek a therapist.
Believe it or not, there are professional counselors who specialize in band mediation. They are experts in psychology who also have an interest in musicians. They understand the unique complications a band faces and are equipped with a tool box of solutions to help fix what is broken.
Whatever happens, as long as you have done your personal best and have given the band your all, you are not responsible for the actions of the other members. If it’s time to move on, go in peace and take what you’ve learned with you.